Welcome to your first step on your self-love journey. On this journey I will be sharing with you some of the most effective ways I have learnt to love myself throughout the years.

What should you expect from this journey? You will learn to love and accept yourself for all that you have been and all that you are now, past and present. The first step that you will be taking on your journey today is learning to let go of all that we are still holding onto. You must let go of all that is weighing your down in order to create room for the new and positive change you are about to make.

In your first step to acceptance we will be visiting your past and some of the emotions you are still holding onto. By not letting go of our past emotions and actions we are unable to concentrate on a clear, positive future.

In this first step to letting go, you will need to start by writing down a list of emotions that you are holding onto. Why do you need to write them down? Because by writing these issues down we can then create a clear focus and address the issues that need to be resolved.

Some of the emotions you may be feeling could be guilt, sadness, anger or regret. These emotions could result deep in our core that could have happened years ago or even some more present.

 

I have created a FREE printable template you can download HERE. In this template you will find three columns.

  1. Write down the past situation or event that you are holding onto
  2. Circle the emotion that is caused by the past situation or event (sadness/anger, guilt or regret)
  3. Write down the action that you will take to resolve the past emotion in order for you to move on

A list of ways we can take action into resolving these emotions we are holding onto.

Anger/Sadness:

  • Understating their point of view. If it was a situation with another persons that made you feel like this, try understanding it from their point of view. Maybe they said or had done something towards you that was hurtful.Try understanding that perhaps they were dealing with something at the time you didn’t know about. Or perhaps there is a deeper issue to them that they are afraid to face, therefore the easiest option is to act against you.
  • Find a way to have closure with the situation. For me personally, I am someone who needs to face situations and people to overcome them. For example – If there was an event that happened in a particular place or down, try revisiting this place. Create new, positive memories for yourself there rather than holding onto the negative ones.
  • Facing them: If it was a situation which involved another person. By being the bigger person and reaching out, you will then learn to forgive and forget. Even if it was you that got hurt in this situation by their actions. By allowing yourself to become the bigger person and reaching out, you are naturally forgiving and forgetting in order to move forward. If the outcome from them is negative, then you tried and you gave yourself the closure you needed by facing your fears.
  • Burning the unsent letter: One of the most affective ways to release pain and anger is by writing a letter to the person/people that hurt you. By allowing yourself to sit down and write out all the things you are thinking and feeling towards these people will un-bottle everything you have kept inside for so long. Tell them exactly how you feel and why, the hurt they caused you and whatever you do, don’t hold back in this letter. It is all about releasing everything you feel towards this person. Once you have released your emotions within this letter, burn it. By burning the letter filled with anger/sadness you are letting go so that you can move forward.

Regret:

  • Feeling regret from not doing something we wanted: Then what’s stoping you from going out and doing it? Try to make it a plan that you are going to go and revisit that place or person you wished you did, go and do what it is that you wanted to do that you are holding onto with regret.
  • Regret of not telling someone how you feel about them: Just like in the above actions, this is where writing a letter will also be very helpful. It is about un-bottling what it is that we have been holding onto and releasing those emotions. Write that person a letter telling them exactly how you feel for them or if it’s not too late and you have the courage, try telling them to their face and facing that fear.
  • Regret in your actions: Do you find that the course of your actions are hurting people? Or perhaps you are constantly doing things that you know are against your character and deep down, you are a better person than that. Try acknowledging these and writing down the things you will do differently and more positively on your list.
  • Regret over not making the right decision at the time: Just like you would try and understand someone else’s point of view, try understanding your own from that moment.For example:
    1. Why did you say or act that way at that moment in time?
    2. Was the situation in my control?
    3. Am I a different person back then to who I am now? If so, tell yourself it’s ok. People change and we better ourselves from those moments.

Guilt:

  • Assessing the situation from a non judgemental view: If you are feeling guilt over something you have done or wish you didn’t do, try looking at it from a ‘friends non-judgemental’ point of view. By taking a step back and acknowledging the situation from another persons perspective might give you some positive clarity as to why you did or didn’t act that way. By bringing some non judgemental light to the situation, you can then start to shush your inner critic.
  • Apologizing if necessary: A common reason we may feel guilt from our past is due to the fact that we may have said or done something to a person we cared about and hurt their feelings. This is where the unsent letter can come in handy OR if you are brave enough, reaching out to that person and extending an apology can release the emotions almost instantly. Even if it was years ago, this has worked wonders for my guilt I have carried.
  • Forgive yourself: Forgive yourself just like you would your friend. We tend to hold onto our mistakes that we have made in the past but never truly forgive ourselves. Try looking at it from a non judgemental view and telling yourself that ‘its ok, I made a mistake and it happens’. Because guess what, we ALL make mistakes.
  • Do something good for someone: If you have guilt over something you didn’t do and should have done, try reversing the situation with replacing those thoughts with a good deed. Do it because you want to, not because you expect something in return.

So during your first week of letting go, remind yourself why you are taking this first step on your journey. By letting go you are not forgetting what you have been through, what you have done and most importantly how your past has shaped you, you are simply moving on with your life to allow for new beginnings.

It’s time you make peace with your past in order to prevent your future from being a constant battle. You owe it to no one else but yourself to have a positive filled future with many great opportunities.

So print your list HERE, write down what you need to do in order to move forward and I’ll see you next week for the second step on your self love journey.

outfit supplied by Picpoket Australia – Shop this dress HERE 

17 Comments on How you can let go of your past to accept your future

  1. Milly
    October 8, 2017 at 6:09 am (2 months ago)

    You have no idea how I needed to hear this. I struggle with my past more than anybody I know. I need to definitely learn to face them. Thanks for sharing this Stephanie. You are such an inspirational to so many of us who think we have it all figured out yet we struggled inside.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 8, 2017 at 10:35 pm (2 months ago)

      Thank you! We all do! I still practice everything I preach and ill never stop taking these steps! Some of these steps have really worked for me in the past and I have no doubt that they will keep doing so in the future. I hope you join me on this one!

      Reply
  2. Rosemary Grubb
    October 8, 2017 at 9:02 am (2 months ago)

    Such a great post Stephanie. Many years ago, I wrote and burned one of those letters. That enabled me to forgive the person who had hurt me and gave me strength to overcome and stand up to them in a strong loving way.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 8, 2017 at 10:36 pm (2 months ago)

      Thank you!!! Isn’t it one of the most satisfying things? To write the letter and burn it! Who knew that such a simple step could be so effective in letting go of so much we have bottled up inside!

      Reply
  3. mukta panwar
    October 8, 2017 at 3:42 pm (2 months ago)

    Because of some bad incidents..I have feeling of anger for some bad people..They hurts me a lot..I want this anger for my whole life because I don’t want to forgive all but sometimes I feel frustrated ..So thanks for this article..I am going to do that things which you suggest because I only want to forget all that..Love you so much..

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 8, 2017 at 10:37 pm (2 months ago)

      Don’t we all! No matter how far we think we have come these are steps we must never forget and never stop practising! I am so looking forward to hearing how you go on this journey and especially in your first week! Can’t wait to hear you results and how you feel! It will take some time but it’s all about being aware and taking your first step towards letting go! xx

      Reply
  4. Teya
    October 8, 2017 at 9:24 pm (2 months ago)

    Great advice. I am a big fan of the writing a letter one. I find by writing the words I alloe my repressed emotions to be released through my fingertips.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 8, 2017 at 10:38 pm (2 months ago)

      Its by far one of my favourite too! So much can be released by writing it out! Some people love to keep journals, I write letters and burn them! There is something about releasing all the emotions and setting them go that allows me to let go and move on! I love that you can relate to this! Thank you x

      Reply
  5. Chrissy
    October 10, 2017 at 1:00 am (1 month ago)

    Such great information, and I love the printables!!

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 11, 2017 at 1:58 am (1 month ago)

      Thank you! I love printables! So glad you found it informative!

      Reply
  6. Katie
    October 10, 2017 at 1:01 am (1 month ago)

    These are such inspiring ideas! I definitely try to live life with no regrets, but of course there are some things I wish I could change.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 11, 2017 at 1:59 am (1 month ago)

      Well then you will love this weeks post coming! Digging a little deeper into the past and how we can learn from our mistakes we regret! Glad you found it inspiring!

      Reply
  7. Katie
    October 10, 2017 at 2:02 am (1 month ago)

    This is such a great post! It is really hard to let go of the things that happen in the past and these are great steps to move on and live in the present.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 11, 2017 at 2:01 am (1 month ago)

      Isn’t it ever! But in saying that it is doable to anyone! If I can do it I have faith that absolutely anyone can! So glad you enjoyed it! X

      Reply
  8. Sarah Surman
    October 11, 2017 at 9:23 am (1 month ago)

    Just wow steph. I wouldn’t want to be starting my self-love journey with any one else but you! I have downloaded my list & im ready to start filling it out! Thank you for being brave and writing this, so many of us girls need to hear this and need help in the area of past pain….myself included!! If we dont deal with our emotions of the past we cant move forward, something ive defintiely learnt from you. I cant wait for the next post, i know its only going to get better….and of course deeper!

    Reply
  9. Jillian
    October 13, 2017 at 6:48 pm (1 month ago)

    So I kept telling myself “Go read Stephanies post” I even wrote it down in my planner but kept getting distracted/busy but I swear, God must have known it was today, this moment, that I needed to read it for the first time. I so badly needed this Steph. I am starting a hard journey myself, dealing with emotional pain, my weight gain…starting a journey into walking in freedom from my past, my weight, etc. I have got to forgive myself in order to move forward and I just wrote my post for Sunday and this just confirms everything God’s been whispering into my heart. You are such an amazing woman. Thank you for your heart and this post.

    Reply
    • Stephanie Barreca
      October 15, 2017 at 1:31 am (1 month ago)

      How did I only just see this! Jillian, thank you so much for this wonderful comment. I was literally grinning ear to ear reading this. My only goal in life is to be able to have a positive impact on peoples lives through my writings! In anyway that I can I wish to help others who may be dealing with issues that we ALL do at some point or another. Thank you so much, you are a true blessing! Always remember, there is a light at the end of every tunnel even in our darkest and loneliest moments. Thank you so much! I hope you love this weeks just as much x

      Reply

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