Let me make it clear that I am talking about our external image, not our internal. I am a huge supporter of bringing out our internal qualities in order to accept our external image. So in this post, I want to talk about accepting from the inside out. Ask yourself questions that may challenge your thoughts on who you are and how you see yourself.

Changing yourself, something we have all thought about or either done. It’s only in our nature as humans to at some point dislike something about ourselves. To what extent, I don’t know. We are all different in our self love and inner confidence. But no matter how confident you think someone may be don’t underestimate that they too have felt this insecurity that you have at some point.

Finding yourself in a position of disliking something about your external image is a lot more common today then it was 5-10 years ago. Your thought process may be along the lines of ‘I want longer hair’ ‘I hate my waist’ or ‘my lips are too thin’. Whatever it may be, you are looking at something to change about yourself for acceptance. But have you ever asked yourself for the acceptance of who exactly?





Let’s bring a little light into this situation and ask yourself these questions:

  • If you and your family were the only people left on this planet would you change anything about your appearance?
  • Are you seeking the validation from those closest to you? Or are you seeking validation from the World around you?
  • Is it the acceptance of social media, people on the street or male attention driving your need to change?
  • Do you find yourself competing on your looks with your ‘friends’ or even people you have never met?


Lets now reflect back to the moments where we have found ourselves in this position of  disliking something about the way we look and wanting to change it. What action did you take or did you vouch to take? Was it to change your look? Go to the gym more? Get hair extensions or buy more makeup?

By telling yourself you will change yourself rather than accept yourself for the way you are you will be forever fuelling a negative energy within you. Essentially, you are giving into the negative rather than trying to accept the positive.

If we keep giving into these negative thoughts we will never repair what is truly the issue, which is an internal insecurity and not actually our external image. It is an insecurity of needing validation from others, acceptance and love.

Have you ever thought about who is setting this standard of image that you must live up to? I believe media and society are heavily to blame, but who ever made them in charge of how you should look? By adapting yourself to fit this image YOU are allowing them to be in control of telling you and everyone else how we should look.

If you look at what was classified as the ‘ideal image’ 7-10 years ago, it wasn’t what it was today, in fact it was completely different. We have gone from ‘coathanger thin’ with ‘pencil thin eyebrows’ to ‘strong is the new skinny’ with ‘the bigger the lips the better’.

So the next time you look at what is classified as an ‘ideal image’ and wanting to adapt to that, think about what will happen in the next 5-10 years. Once you have achieved that ‘ideal look’ society will only bring out another that you will feel the need to once again adapt to.

You will only find yourself unhappy like a dog chasing a tail. You will go round and round and never actually achieve ‘ideal’. Why? Because there is no such thing as ideal. If you put 10 people in a room and asked each of them what the ‘perfect image’ looked like, I can guarantee you will have a lot of different answers. Again, there is no such thing as ‘perfect or ideal’.

How do we overcome this internal insecurity to accept our external image?

I believe that the cure to happiness is acceptance, acceptance in who we are as a person. Understanding our qualities as humans and understanding that this is what defines us.

It’s about learning to love yourself for your personality and values. Unlocking this key to life and happiness has always and will always be with you. It’s just up to you to find it, unlock it, embrace your internal self love, and learn to appreciate your values as a person because that it was defines you.

Start by looking at the qualities you like about yourself and turn them into qualities you LOVE. When you look into a mirror, learn to look at your qualities and values rather then your reflection. You will be surprised at how focusing on our inner beauty can change your perspective on your external image. Learn to love you for you!

Some useful articles to help you further:

Let the positive IN and the negative OUT. How to let go of your inner critic HERE

Do you need self love? Here is your first step to self discovery HERE

Madison Square Romper supplied by Picpoket Australia. Shop this look HERE.





10 Comments on Have you ever hated the way you look? Ask yourself these questions!

  1. Jen
    September 3, 2017 at 1:22 pm (3 months ago)

    I love this post! It can be so hard to accept ourselves and feel confident in our appearance. But I agree that working on our inner self can make us feel beautiful on the outside! Thanks for sharing!

    • Stephanie Barreca
      September 18, 2017 at 12:22 am (2 months ago)

      Thank you Jen! It’s so true, I fully believe working on our inner self is the core ingredient to happiness within and life!

  2. Milly
    September 3, 2017 at 1:58 pm (3 months ago)

    It definitely is hard to embrace our own selves. There is an image that we want to be seen as but it’s not who we are. But one thing I tell myself all the time is we are human which shows we ain’t perfect. I am who God created me as and that’s the image I will portray. Embrace who you are and don’t try be an imaginary image. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Hey Steph, thanks for sharing.

  3. Katie
    September 3, 2017 at 4:46 pm (3 months ago)

    This is such an important post! I wish that we could all just accept ourselves and our unique beauty. The world would be a better place!

  4. Sarah Surman
    September 4, 2017 at 12:01 am (3 months ago)

    Such a wonderfully written post steph!! It is definitely when we allow others to set the standard for us and not set the standard of what we like ourselves that the problems of low self worth and image begin in ourselves…. We need more authentic & real girls flooding social media about what they love about themselves already – unchanged, as they are. We all want to feel loved and validated as you said, and i agree it begins with a first step of acceptance which once this step is done will lead us onto a journey of self-love. I completely relate to this post
    xo S

  5. Teya
    September 17, 2017 at 11:43 pm (2 months ago)

    Such a deeply beautiful post. I love this.

    • Stephanie Barreca
      September 18, 2017 at 12:21 am (2 months ago)

      Thank you so much! So glad you enjoyed it! xxx

  6. mukta panwar
    September 18, 2017 at 3:51 pm (2 months ago)

    I love this so much..You are so great person who thinks about society also. ..After reading your article I feel so satisfied because not always but sometimes I feel bad about my look because I have dark circles and I hate it so much but now I love everything and I love you to so much.. Thanks a lot for doing this work..

    • Stephanie Barreca
      September 19, 2017 at 12:40 am (2 months ago)

      Thank you so much! You are so so sweet! I absolutely loved waking up to this comment and reading it this morning. You have truly made my day and I couldn’t be more grateful! You have everything to love about yourself, dark circles and all because they are YOUR dark circles. Love it! Thank you thank you thank you! xxxx

  7. mukta panwar
    September 18, 2017 at 3:56 pm (2 months ago)

    You are so great person and doing really amazing thing for society..Not always but sometimes I hate myself because I have dark circles but after reading this I love everything whatever I have in this life..Thanks a lot for all these articles..I love you …:)👍👌


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